I hope mine doesn't look like that
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
