i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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