I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
