so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
