I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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