when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
