I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
