The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
