mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
