My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
