he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
