I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
