I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
