plz talk dirty to me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
