I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
