i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
