how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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