id be glad to
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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