Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
