And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
