Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
