I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
