lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
