Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You made out with two different species that night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home