watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?