the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.