i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.