I feel like I'm in dance class right now
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's so Britney 2007, you know?