Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies