Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.

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(302): View more from Delaware

NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.

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(469): View more from Texas

I will probably be peed on at some point today.

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(206): View more from Washington

I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up

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(615): View more from Tennessee

My breath smells like dick and biscuits..

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