go do what you do best...puke behind churches
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
