After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
