there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
