If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
