I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Come see our sink grown plant.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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