We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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