No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
