I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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