you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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