I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
