peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
