I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
