when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
