My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
