It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
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She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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