my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
