I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
