dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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