and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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