so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
