my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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