I wish life had little blips of pornography
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The power of my boobs compel you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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