Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
