Only a mothe r could love this liver
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
