Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
