Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
