I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
