Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Four minutes until I can fart!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
