You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
