Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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