Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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