I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
