Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
