so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
