He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
