he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
