just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
