I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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