We're like a lot better than the average bears
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
