you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
