why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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