morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
