I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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