He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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