I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
