This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
