Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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