i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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